Depressing Anxiety
by HomicidalSally
Summary: Feliciano's worries has disturbed him long enough, but when he takes it out on Ludwig he underestimates the dire consequences. Mental Hospital AU; human names used. Warning: Lots of angst and violence. ((IN PROGRESS))
1. Chapter 1

Feliciano was currently having another insomnia filled night. He quickly glanced at his clock; the bright green digits announced that the time was just half past four in the morning. The reason that these restless nights kept occurring was because of Feliciano's anxiety towards not being able to impress Ludwig. Reoccurring thoughts of Feliciano getting scolded for messing up Ludwig's plans or not running fast enough during daily training raced through his mind like a runaway train. As he tossed and turned on his bed he tried to close his eyes and fall asleep.

"_Can't you do anything but make pasta?!" Ludwig shouted._

"_I'm sorry!" Feliciano sobbed, "I'm so-o-rry…"_

Feliciano's eyes sprung open once again. Instead of crying or cringing like he usually did when these negative feelings came, he slowly rose up from his bed. Something had started to fill up his core. It wasn't his normal angst; however, it was boiling rage. He turned to his right and pulled open the first drawer in his nightstand; a fully-loaded revolver and extra ammunition were the contents inside. Feliciano grabbed the handle of the gun and gingerly pulled it out of its drawer. Ludwig was in the room three doors down, so Feliciano knew he had to be as quiet as possible. He had tiredly gotten out of his bed with gun in hand and walked unhurriedly to his door and cautiously pulled the door open. The door's stifled creak and Feliciano's soft breathing were the only evidence of life in the room. He walked silently out and made a right turn towards Ludwig's bedroom.

The corridor that separated Ludwig and Feliciano was dimly lit due to the moonlight that flooded through the window in the middle of the passageway. The dark hardwood flooring was cool under Feliciano's bare feet as he walked to Ludwig's room. When he had finally gotten to Ludwig's room he stood in front of it staring at the wooden door. His gaze narrowed as he studied the wood's grain and gripped the revolver's handle. This is it, Feliciano thought as the door lightly screeched as he carefully pushed it open. He saw Ludwig's limp, sleeping body rise and fall as he closed the door behind him. Feliciano sluggishly sauntered to the right side of Ludwig's bed. The small window to the left let just enough moonlight through to allow Feliciano to see Ludwig's face. Ludwig's hair was disheveled and his face looked tranquil for once. Feliciano, however, was the opposite of calm. He leisurely pulled the gun up from his side and aimed it towards Ludwig's head. Feliciano took a deep lungful of air and put his finger on the trigger.

"_We can form an alliance!" Feliciano exclaimed happily._

"_Alliance?" Ludwig asked while raising an eyebrow, "You want to be friends…..with me?"_

"_Yeah! You can boss me around and I'll disappoint you!"_

"_Hmm…Well I never had a friend before. It sounds…..nice. Yeah, friends…I like it!"_

"_So Ludwig wants to be friends with Feliciano?!"_

"_Sure! What the hell!"_

"_Yay!"_

_Feliciano ran to Ludwig in tears, "Arthur says you hate me and you're just using me! Is that true?!"_

_Ludwig was befuddled by the comment, "Um….uh…."_

_Feliciano's puppy dog eyes glimpsed up at him with despair._

"_No, it's not true. Actually….ich liebe dich."_

_Feliciano's crying stopped almost immediately, "Yay! I knew it wasn't true! I'm too pretty!"_

As these thoughts ran through his mind, the once steady revolver started to tremble. Why can't I keep still, Feliciano thought, why can't I just shoot him?! Warm tears started to plummet down his face and fall onto the bed; he also started to sniffle. Feliciano took a quivering breath and regained his posture. He attempted to narrow his gaze and focus but the tears falling would not discontinue. His head slumped and the arm that was extended towards Ludwig dropped back to side. Feliciano started to softly whimper and the tears that poured from his eyes were waterfalls. What am I _doing_, Feliciano hopelessly thought, I can't do this…..I love him too much. The gun slipped from his grasp and hit the hardwood flooring with a clacking noise.

Ludwig rapidly rose from his bed and with that Feliciano's head had risen just as fast. Then all of the sudden Feliciano's fury came back in an instant like the grieving never even happened. Through angry tears Feliciano roared and ferociously clutched Ludwig by the neck and slammed his skull on his nearby nightstand making Ludwig's smart phone fall to the floor.

"F-Feli-Feli-ci-ci-ano!" Ludwig snarled while struggling for oxygen.

"STILL THINK I'M NO GOOD?! HUH?! YOU POTATO EATING SON OF A BITCH!" Feliciano hollered.

"Agh…ugh…wha...aaghhh…"

Feliciano did not notice Ludwig take a hold of his phone and dial the police until he heard the sound of the numbers 9-1-1 being punched in. He then let go of Ludwig's neck and went to retrieve his revolver. As he was bending down to grab it, Ludwig told the police what was occurring the best he could muster with short breaths through the speaker phone option:

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"Agh," Ludwig gasped for air, "my friend is," another gasp, "trying to kill me!"

"Okay sir, I've traced your location through your iPhone and the authorities will be there shortly. Please stay calm."

"Th-Thank yo-"

BOOM!

Feliciano shot the phone in Ludwig's palm making the iPhone shatter leaving a hole and glass splinters in Ludwig's right hand. Ludwig screamed in agony as he dropped the totaled phone. The dark burgundy liquid that gushed from his hand dribbled onto the floor and the white sheets. Ludwig then used his left hand to pull out the pistol from under his pillow and pointed it at Feliciano.

"Feli….listen to me…agh…You don't…ugh…want to do this!"

"I've been wanting to do this for years! I HATE YOU."

"The polic-"

"I KNOW THEY'RE FUCKING COMING."

"Felician…agh…o."

Feliciano started to sob heatedly, "WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME NOW?! ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED, FOR ME TO GET STRONGER?!"

The door was then kicked open by the police which startled both Ludwig and Feliciano. When Feliciano started to turn to point the revolver at the officers, one of the policemen shot his taser gun at Feliciano's head. Feliciano started to tremble violently as all fifty thousand volts traveled through his body; he then fell to the floor with a thud.


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano's eyes tiredly opened to the sight of a back door window that showed a moving highway that was only lit by the hazy orange street lights. He then noticed the semi dark interior of the ambulance and that he was completely strapped to a gurney with a blanket sung under the straps.

"Oh, you're up," said the lady looking up from her laptop. Feliciano did not even know that there was anyone else in here. The bright screen of the computer revealed that she had light brown hair tightly bound in a ponytail and that she looked about thirty-five.

"Whe-Where am I going?" Feliciano asked.

The lady resumed typing on her laptop, "Queenswood."

"Queenswood?"

"Yeah, it's a mental hospital."

Feliciano was dumbfounded, "Why didn't you guys just put me in jail?"

"Because when the police interviewed your friend they concluded that you were better suited for a mental hospital than in a jail cell. You should be happy, you got off easy."

"I should?"

The male driver commented from the front of the ambulance, "Yeah, they got good food!"

"Oh shut up and drive," the lady said jokingly, "Anyway, yeah mental hospitals aren't the straight jackets and plush rooms like you see in the movies. They're just places where troubled kids like you go to get help."

Feliciano smiled sadly at the lady and then asked, "Do you know if Ludwig is okay?"

The lady glanced up, "Your friend? I have no idea. His hand's in pretty bad shape though, you really did a number on it, kid."

Feliciano winced at the remark and thought out loud, "He probably hates me."

The woman took a deep sigh, "Kid I hate to break it to ya, but worrying isn't gonna make this any better than it is. If you need something to be anxious over, think about what kind of friends you'll make at Queenswood."

The driver called from the front, "We'll be there in a couple minutes!"

"Yeah, yeah," the lady sarcastically retorted.

As the ambulance slowly pulled up into the drop off area, Feliciano had gotten nervous. What kind of crazies am I going to meet, he wondered. The man and the woman pulled the gurney out from the back and cautiously onto the pavement.

"This would be a lot easier if they could just _walk_ in," the man commented.

When they were pulling Feliciano up the slopes to the back entrance the lady said, "If you squish me into the door again, I'll kill you."

The guy chuckled from Feliciano's behind, "Hey kid, watch this." The man then began to push the gurney faster up the ramp.

"Oh no, you don't!" The woman said as she picked up speed as well. Feliciano smiled at how childish they were acting. When they finally reached the door the lady almost collided into it. "Ha, maybe next time."

"Oh, I so got you," the man said.

"Yeah, yeah, just keep telling yourself that. Now we just wait for them to buzz us in."

In the few minutes that the group waited to have the door unlocked, Feliciano's nerves began to settle. Then the buzzing noise sounded and the lady pushed open the door. They then pulled the gurney through the narrow corridor with mint coloured walls; Feliciano thought the colour was hideous. The ride ended when they stopped near a door and a large glass window that was to the left, it appeared to be a waiting room.

"Why did we stop?" Feliciano asked.

"We have to let the police officer look through your bag of clothes. Plus, we have to let you out of the gurney." The man replied.

"My….bag of clothes?"

"Yeah, they undressed you and put you in hospital clothes," she began, "You'll be changed into scrubs when you get to Mod D."

Feliciano was befuddled, "Mod D?"

"Module D, it's the floor where young adults and adolescences like you go."

"Aren't you guys going to let me out now?"

The man laughed, "Not until the policeman arrives."

"_Great_."

"Welcome to our lives, kid."

A moment of silence then filled the hallway. Feliciano let out a deep sigh and the woman who was still in front of the gurney slid down the wall and sat down on the jade carpeting. He hated when things had gotten quiet, "Do…Do you guys think I'm crazy?"

The man answered, "You? Well, you seem nice. It appears you just lost it."

Feliciano smiled cheerlessly, "Have you met any people worse off than me?"

The lady interjected, "One time we had this eighty year old woman think she was eight months pregnant. Remember her, Paul?"

The man at last had a name, "Yeah, she was a total nut job."

Feliciano's spirits had begun to lift, "The walls here are an ugly colour."

The woman remarked, "You think this is bad? One hospital had all _pink_ walls. It was obnoxious."

Paul intervened, "I liked the pink one! They had cool magazines that were in Spanish!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that. Now they have stupid health magazines."

"Oh, I _hate_ those! They always contain stupid ass articles like," Paul made a goofy voice, "'How to Clean Your Glasses'!"

Feliciano sniggered so much at the truth of that statement his giggles invaded his words, "Yeah…ha-ha….and like 'How to…ha-ha... Know if You Have a Tumor'!"

Paul expressed amusement, "See, the kid knows what we're talking 'bout!

Then through the window Feliciano saw the policeman approaching the waiting room door. He was a rotund black man with a mustache; frankly, he looked like a stuffed sausage in his uniform. Feliciano felt sorry for the buttons that had to hold his shirt together.

The officer's voice was husky and booming, "Well unfortunately fo' me, I didn't find any weapons in yo' clothing bag. It's a real shame because I really wanted to be on the news with them sayin' I caught me a killa'."

Feliciano smiled at how lighthearted this policeman was, "If I knew that, I would've come more prepared!"

Everyone laughed and then the man continued, "Your clothes are now upstairs getting washed and your friend Roderich has just admitted you since you're only seventeen."

Feliciano raised an eyebrow, "Roderich?" He had forgotten that he had stayed the night at Ludwig's house.

"Yep, he sure did. He seemed prissy to me, but whatever. Anyway, you guys can unstrap the boy now." He glanced at Feliciano, "It was nice meetin' ya, kid. Hope you get better soon" The policeman then went back into the waiting room and left.

The woman sprung up from her sitting position and began to lower the gurney, "All right, it's about time!" Paul then started unhooking Feliciano; each strap released with a click. When Feliciano was finally freed from the contraption, he set aside the blanket and hopped off. He also noticed the hospital clothes he was in.

"Now what do I do?" Feliciano asked.

"Wait in the waiting room," Paul said, "until someone escorts you to Mod D."

"Alright," he began to walk towards the door but suddenly halted and spun around, "Will I ever see you guys again?"

The woman sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Probably not. I know this ending is bittersweet for you, but most goodbyes are. Maybe someday we'll meet again, but hopefully not here." She let go of his shoulder and started to push the gurney away and Paul started to pull it.

"See ya on the flip side, kid!" Paul called from down the hallway.

"Oh, just shut up and pull." The woman lightheartedly retorted.

Feliciano smiled sadly as the two nicest people he had ever met faded out of sight. He then pushed the door open and sat in the closest seat; he let his head fall and then let out a light sigh. He then looked up at the 'Your Rights as a Mental Health Patient" poster that was in five different languages that was to his right. He attempted to read the Spanish but with little success. Unexpectedly, the door was opened by a woman with short black hair; his head snapped in her direction.

"Feliciano is it?" the woman asked in a soft voice.

"Um, yes," Feliciano stood up, "I'm him."

"It's very nice to meet you, I'm Janice and I'll be taking you up to Mod D."

"Uh, okay."

"Please follow me sir." He followed the woman through the narrow hallway towards a flight of stairs. They both climbed four flights before they walked forward towards the wooden door that had a paper sign that said, 'Mod D'. "Here we are!" the woman remarked as she unlocked and opened the door, "Mod D, it's one of my favorite floors." The door then opened to a wider hallway that had goldenrod coloured cinderblock walls; some of the paint was chipped in a few areas. Each side was aligned with doors to dormitory-like rooms containing two beds. Each room had a number in the four hundreds; Feliciano's room was four hundred two. Farther down the hallway there was a main desk and across from that a chair with a blood pressure machine next to it. Feliciano's bare feet walked slowly down the linoleum flooring. He peered upwards towards the bright, florescent lights staring down at him as he sauntered to the main desk. "Okay Feliciano, this is the main desk," the woman began, "and behind the desk is the middle day room. That's where everyone likes to hang out. To your right is the boy's side of the hallway and to the left is the girl's. You'll mostly be spending your time in the boy's day room. Now, would you please come into the middle day room?"

"Um, sure." It's not like I have a choice, Feliciano thought.

The middle day room had a huge window to the right of the door; inside there were two more large portrait windows, one on the left and right of the farthest wall. On the left wall was a black flat screen TV that looked almost unused. The walls were a pale jade color and contained a small whiteboard near the left portrait window. In the middle of the rather immense room was two fake granite tables pushed together to form one big table. Plastic chairs aligned the main table and the right wall near the doorway along with the wall near the whiteboard and window. To the far left was a smaller table with about four chairs surrounding it. The woman took a seat in a chair by the main table across Feliciano; he took the seat parallel to hers. She then gave him a work packet to fill out. The questions in the small packet asked if he had suicidal thoughts, what angered him, and other things of that nature. When he completed it, she asked to go to the blood pressure machine so she takes his first vitals. Feliciano soon found out after he sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair that vitals meant body temperature and blood pressure.

"Okay," the lady said while holding a thermometer to his mouth, "put this under your tongue." He followed accordingly even though the squeezing from the blood pressure machine made him cringe. She then told the nearby worker his temperature and blood pressure. Another worker then handed him blue hospital scrubs and thick socks with treads to change into as he was being released from the hurtful grip of the machine. Feliciano had then gotten up and turned to his right and entered the nearest bathroom. Once done changing, he looked down at his new attire: a light blue, oversized paper-like shirt, extra-large, paper-like royal blue trousers, and giant beige socks. The woman then showed him to his room which was only a few paces away. To the left of the doorway the number '402' was plastered in beige. She then gradually opened the door and Feliciano observed a sleeping body get drenched in the light from the corridor; the body squirmed a little. "I hope I didn't wake him," the lady said in a hushed voice, "Anyway, he's your roommate and your bed is the empty one on the right. Try to get some sleep okay? Breakfast is at seven," she left the room leaving the door ajar. Feliciano moseyed to his twin-sized bed and yanked the tucked covers up from under the mattress. He then crawled under the covers.

The room had pale yellow walls and one window between Feliciano's and his roommate's beds. There was also a wooden work desk between the two mattresses. His roommate oddly had an actual hospital bed while he had a normal one. The bed was quite uncomfortable and stiff for Feliciano. All he could think to do was to look up at the ceiling. The body in the other bed turned to face him, making Feliciano jump. The boy looked about his age and had short, weird dark blond hair that stuck up on the left side. His blue eyes looked violet in the darkened room. He grinned, "Well, I've always wanted a roommate."

"That's cool," Feliciano could not think of anything else to say.

"What's your name?"

"Feliciano, what's yours?"

"Matthias, but you can just call me Matt."

"Okay Matt, sorry about waking you up."

"Ah, it's alright," He glared towards the door and quickly left his bed, "For the love of God, that bitch didn't shut our door!" He slammed the door shut and darkness engulfed the room once again. He hastily walked back to his bed and lied back down.

Feliciano asked, "If you don't mind me asking, but why are you here?"

Matt smiled deviously, "Beat the shit out of my dad. You?"

He grimaced, "Shot my friend's hand off."

"DAMN! I wish I had the balls to do that! Holy shit, bro!"

"Yeah, I dunno why they just didn't throw me in jail."

"They didn't because they knew that you're too crazy for a jail cell."

"Heh, maybe. I just can't believe in the loony bin."

Matt sighed, "Well believe it, kid. You are gonna be here for a few days, after all."

"_Great_."

"Isn't it? I'm just glad I have somebody to talk to now." Feliciano pulled the edge of the curtain which revealed the dark indigo sky, the rest of the building, and a radio tower farther away. He stared at it momentarily and then let go of the curtain. "Hey Feliciano, how many times have you been in one of these places?"

"Um, this is my first time. How about you?"

He held up four fingers and said matter-of-factly, "Fourth."

"Wow, what are you diagnosed with?"

Matt put on an introspected expression, "Hmm….let's see," he began to count with his fingers, "Severe Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Just don't get me angry and I'll be cool, okay?"

"Okay, I won't piss you off."

He chuckled, "You're gonna be evaluated tomorrow. They'll just ask you a bunch of yes or no questions. Hey, do you have a wristband yet?"

Feliciano checked his arms, "No, they didn't give me one."

"Ah, they'll do it tomorrow."

"Is the food good here?"

"Of all the things you could be worried about, that's what you come up with? Heh, the food's okay I guess."

"Are the nurses mean here?"

"Some of them are bitches but most of them are nice."

"If you could sum up this place in one sentence, what would it be?"

Matt looked over towards Feliciano, "Welcome to hell."

"Is it that bad?"

"Nah not really, but it can sure _feel_ like it sometimes."

"That's lovely."

"Tell me about it."

Feliciano sighed, "I guess we just wait for breakfast now."

"Yup."


	3. Chapter 3

Matt and Feliciano continued to talk for the next few hours about various things ranging from their home life to their shattered dreams. There was only one interruption when Matt's vitals had to be taken.

Feliciano asked with curiosity when he came back into the room, "You don't sound American. Where are you from?"

Matt responded with ease while crawling back under his covers, "Oh, well I was born in Denmark but then my parents moved to the States. Where are you from?"

"Italy."

"That's cool. Are you a pasta freak or something?"

Feliciano laughed, "Pasta freak would be an understatement."

They both snickered, "Well, I'll be damned!"

Suddenly the door opened and a male nurse in burgundy scrubs announced, "Wake up, it's time for breakfast." He then left leaving the door partly open.

Matt said, "Welp, looks like we finally get to eat something," He rose from his bed and started towards the door, "Come on Feli," he swiveled around, "You don't mind me calling you that, do you?"

Feliciano followed from behind, "Oh no, I get called that a lot. Plus Feliciano is just a mouthful."

"Cool," Matt opened the door wider and both he and Feliciano were blinded by the hallway light, "Damn, that's bright," Matt shielded his eyes momentarily.

Once their eyes had gotten acclimated to the brighter setting, Feliciano had gotten a good look of the other patients. The one that was diagonal to him was sitting in a slouchy position under the number '405' and had wavy hair with an odd long, curl coming from the front He also had violet eyes with wire frame glasses, blue jeans, socks, and a hooded sweatshirt that had 'CANADA' plastered on it in white along with a big, white maple leaf; the boy seemed to be introverted. The boy across the hall standing by room four hundred three was tall and had platinum blond hair and dark blue eyes. His attire was an odd, long tan coat with an ivory scarf. He also had on green trousers and boots. Feliciano was intimidated by his presence. Next to the boy with the Canadian hooded sweatshirt, was a young man with dark hair that was tied in a ponytail standing by room '407'; he appeared to be of Chinese descent. He was wearing the same hospital scrubs Feliciano was wearing. Room four hundred nine seemed to be vacant so Feliciano looked towards his right to see his neighbor; an older boy with rough, dark brown hair that went to his jaw line. He was wearing a grey t-shirt, black sweats, and navy blue socks. His eyes were a light brown and the boy looked like a very quiet person; his room number was four hundred four. The boy also had thick eyebrows. Next to that room was room four hundred six. The boy that filled that room had thick eyebrows as well. His hair was very messy and even had two strands sticking up on the right side. Feliciano could not see his eye colour, but his eyes were a pale green; what he did see was the abnormal adhesive bandage on his nose. He was wearing a blue shirt that had, 'AUSSIE' printed onto it and green sweats. Lastly, room '408' seemed desolate.

Feliciano's focus on the other kids was cut short when the same male nurse had said, "Alright, everybody line up." Matt, Feliciano, and everyone else formed a sloppy single line on the right of the nearby door and the girls had done the same on the left. "Okay," the nurse opened the door, "ladies first." The girls then went down the flight of stairs to the cafeteria and when the last girl exited the boys did the same.

Once down the small flight of stairs and through the door way into the cafeteria, there were tables outside the actual lunchroom and the real entrance was a short walk to the right. Feliciano wanted to go through the left entrance, but he just followed the crowd. Inside the small lunchroom was the serving station on the farthest wall; there a server would dish up a variety of food. This morning's dishes were: toast, grits, scrambled eggs, and sausage patties. To the far right of the station was where the line formed and where you would receive your plastic tray and utensils; there was also a large picture window that showed the morning sun beaming onto the nearby houses across the street. The spoons were tricky to get out and after a few seconds of frustration, Feliciano just yanked it free out of its holder. The trick for that was to pull the lever that released the spoons up and then down instead of just downward like the others worked. He then grabbed a fork and ordered eggs and wheat toast; he wanted sausage, but it just aggrieved him too much to even look at it. Feliciano then went to the left dragging his magenta tray down the sliver conveyer and stopped at the mini yogurt refrigerator and grabbed a strawberry Light and Fit yogurt cup. Even though Feliciano did not notice, there was an ice cream machine right next to the yogurt refrigerator that dispensed chocolate and vanilla ice cream during lunch and dinner; there was also a large bowl of assorted fruit. As Feliciano kept going left, he saw the mini cereal boxes on the top glass shelf with milk just below it. He grabbed skim milk and began to turn around to find a seat when he saw a fountain soda dispenser that people were actually _using_ this early in the morning. He just ignored it and averted his gaze towards finding a place to sit. The girls had to be seated on the side of the room Feliciano was currently standing and the boys had to fill up the right and middle sections. Feliciano sauntered to the far right and over to the rectangular grey table and sat down in the seat one chair from the right corner near the beginning of the food line. The serving area was now only a few paces away from the table he was seated at. As Feliciano began to eat his eggs, Matt took a seat diagonal from him near the same edge of the table.

Matt talked with a mouthful of toast in his mouth, "Ya know," _munch_, "there's a condiment area over," _munch_, "there" he pointed towards the left entrance where there were assorted condiments in white drawers. Then the odd boy with the tan coat sat next to Feliciano, "Hey Ivan," Matt greeted the boy, "this is one of the new kids, Feliciano." He pointed his half eaten toast towards Feliciano.

Ivan glanced to his left and smiled at Feliciano and talked with a Russian accent, "Hallo, my name is Ivan. Is this your first time here?"

Feliciano was oddly scared by his presence, "Um, yes it is. How about you?"

"This is my fifth time. Everyone knows me well here."

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you here this time?"

Ivan's face turned from kind to malicious, "I beat some kid with a faucet pipe for telling me I couldn't take over the world."

Feliciano shuddered, "W-Well that's nice."

His expression turned back to normal as if nothing happened, "What brings you here?"

"Um, I shot my friend's hand off because I had gotten sick of him putting me down."

"Nice." Ivan smiled and turned to begin eating his grits.

I guess I'm no better than him, Feliciano thought. Then out the corner of his eye he saw the boy with the Canadian hooded sweatshirt sitting alone and eating at the middle table. The young man looked heartbroken for some odd reason. Part of Feliciano wanted to move to go sit with him, but he stayed where he sat. Feliciano's gaze then shifted when the Chinese boy, the boy with the bandage on his nose, and Feliciano's quiet neighbor all sat across from him. The hushed boy with thick eyebrows sat in front of him while the Chinese boy sat towards the left edge of the table; the boy wearing the Aussie shirt sat in the middle of those two.

"Uh, hello." Feliciano greeted the boy in front of him.

"Hi." The boy responded in soft monotone, he was just as quiet as Feliciano thought.

"What's your name?"

"Leon, and I've been here thirteen days for taking the blame for something I didn't do. And no, I'm not going to explain what happened. Now please stop asking me questions, new kid."

Feliciano frowned while noticing Leon's lack of expression, "Uh, okay." He looked towards the boy wearing the Aussie shirt hoping for better luck, "Um hi, I'm Feliciano but you can just call me Feli."

The tired boy had an Australian accent that sounded more British, "Oh, mornin'. Nice to meet ya, the name's Jett. What brings you to a lovely place like this?"

"Shot my friend's hand, you?"

"Well damn, mate. I just have anxiety and like to cut and burn myself."

"Yeah, I know I seem like a psychopath but I'm actually really nice."

"That's what everyone says here, Feli. Is this your first time in a place like this because it seems like it."

"Yeah."

"Figures. Don't worry though, mate. You'll be just fine with us other psychopaths!" Jett chuckled.

Feliciano laughed quietly, "Thanks, Jett."

"No problem."

Feliciano averted his gaze to the Chinese boy, "Um, hello." However, the boy did not seem to notice his greeting. Jett nudged his arm with an elbow and pointed to Feliciano.

"Oh hello, aru. My name is Yao, Wang Yao. It's nice to meet you." Wang seemed to be out of it.

"It's nice to meet you too. My name's Feliciano. I don't mean to pry, but can you tell me why you're here?"

"Well I just came here last night because I tried to overdose on Tylenol. I had it planned for so long for yesterday's date, but I didn't want to do it anymore, aru. I just did it because I was scared. May I ask why you're here, aru?"

"Well if you haven't heard already, I shot my friend's hand."

"Oh, wow, aru. It takes a lot of gumption to shoot at your friend. Are you sure you two were on friendly terms?"

Felicano laughed sadly, "Heh, now that you mention it, I don't really know what I was to him."

Then suddenly one of the nurses had said breakfast had concluded and everyone threw out their things, put their trays back, and went towards the left entrance. Feliciano had barely eaten anything that morning.

* * *

**To settle any character confusion:**

*Mathias/Matt : Denmark (( Suggested name ))

Ivan : Russia

Leon : Hong Kong (( It's his suggested English name ))

Jett : Australia (( It's one of his suggested names ))

Wang Yao : China

*Mathias is actually supposed to be Mathis but I messed up. Oops, haha. Hopefully no one will get too butthurt over that.


	4. Chapter 4

Once back upstairs, the boys had to go into the middle day room in order to fill out a daily mood report and the girls did the same in their day room. The mood report had questions that asked how you slept last night, is your medication working, are you having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting others, and other things of that nature. As Feliciano was walking to the middle day room he saw nurses hook up phones to three different outlets: one on the left and right on the farthest wall near the corners in the middle day room and one near the main desk. The phone stations were about the size of a calendar opened vertically, pale and wooden, and had a small shelf on the top and bottom where the landline phone rested. Feliciano did not know what these were until he saw the communication devices being installed. While he continued to meander to the room, one of the secretaries had noticed him and said, "Hey, you're Feliciano right?"

Feliciano jumped and turned towards the feminine voice that called out to him, "Um, yes."

She asked him to hold out an arm over the desk. When he did she put a wristband around his left wrist which had his date of birth, any allergies, his serial number, his name, and his doctor printed onto it. He just glanced at it as he let his arm drop back to his side. She then handed him a small piece of paper that had 'Call Lovino' and his number under the text, "Your brother wants you to call him. He seemed pretty concerned so I would call him right now if I were you."

"Um, okay," Feliciano replied sheepishly as he began to walk towards the room, "Thanks"

"No problem, honey."

Once inside the middle day room, he had noticed Ivan, Matthias, and Wang already sitting at the big center table on the far side. Feliciano had folded the paper with Lovino's number into a smaller quadrilateral and shoved it into his right pocket and sat in the nearest chair one seat away from the lower right hand corner. A nurse then came in along with the rest of the boys. He nurse was a heavyset, light skinned black woman with black hair with gold streaks; the hair was tied into a ponytail and she wore dark, rectangular glasses. She talked with an endearing voice as she handed out the mood reports, "Okay for all the new people here, you circle the number on the number line that best suits how you feel. One being the worst while ten being the best. There are also some questions on the back that are short answer. When you are done turn it in to me; I'll be at the small table." Everyone then followed accordingly and Leon was the first to finish. Feliciano was the fourth person to complete the short form. While he was handing it in, he noticed the boy with the Canadian sweatshirt pull up a chair near the nearby phone, sat down on it, and started to dial a number. Feliciano then assumed he could use the phones now. Before he did, however, he went back to his room and freshened up with the toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant in his new, pink toiletries bucket that had his name on it. Also in the bucket was a tiny bar of soap and yellow hair shampoo that ripped off Johnson & Johnson's 'No More Tears'. The bathroom was relatively small and was badly lit by tangerine lights. The mirror was warped and the bathroom was connected to Leon's room which meant the probability of someone barging in on you. The walls were the same pale yellow as the rest of the rooms and the flooring was an assortment of compact white tiles.

After all that, Feliciano had gone back to the middle day room and saw that the white phone to the right on the furthest wall was open. The phone had a slight curvature and had the dial keys planted onto it. The short cord made an uneven line to the wall and when Feliciano put the phone up to his ear he heard no dial tone. He figured to push the plug into the outlet deeper and when he did he heard the tone; as he let go, the tone died once again. Matthias was observing the confused Italian and said, "You gotta hold the plug in, Feli. All the phones here are jacked up."

Feliciano turned and nodded, "Is there anything else I have to do before I dial the number?"

"Yeah, press nine and then one before you put in the area code."

"Thanks." Feliciano now had his left arm extended holding the plug inside the outlet and dialed his brother's number. After a few short rings he answered.

_"Hello?"_

Feliciano had become anxious at the sound of his brother's voice and stammered, "H-Hey Fratello, it's me."

Lovino was surprised, _"Feli, is that you?"_

"Yes."

_"Oh," _His tone had gotten more sober, _"Hey."_

"Hey."

_"I-I heard what happened to spud head."_

Feliciano had expected that, "I figured you would have."

_"Well, Ludwig's okay. My question is, are you?"_

There was a moment of silence on both ends of the line before Feliciano's now sullen voice filled the void with sound, "I don't know."

_ "Neither do I, Feli."_

Feliciano's arm was getting sore from having it extended for so long, "Are you going to visit today? Hours are one to eight."

_"Sure. I heard you can bring clothes, do you want me to bring you some?"_

"Yeah, that'll be nice." Feliciano paused, "A-Am I gonna be okay, Lovino?" Lovino's side of the line hushed for at least a minute, "Lovino?" He then heard stifled blubbering.

Lovino sniffled as he controlled his weeping enough to speak, _"I-I don't know, F-Feli"_ The swaying grass fields of Lovino's whimpering and tears whispered a depressing melody into Feliciano's ear. _"I don't kn-"_ Felicano heard Lovino's hand cover his eyes and him beginning to sob uncontrollably, _"I-I just want y-you to come h-home!"_ Lovino hiccupped, _"I-I just want you home…" _

"Lovino…." Feliciano's voice had grown into a more pitiful state, "this isn't like you."

He responded matter-of-factly through his sniffles,_ "This isn't like you either."_

Feliciano sighed, his brother was right, "I guess we're not who we thought we were, huh."

_"No one really is who they think they are, Feli. Remember that, for me…..please."_

"Okay, I will." Feliciano had noticed a lady with a cart full of medicine behind him; since he knew he was not on anything yet he just returned to the conversation. "Will I have to talk to Ludwig?"

_"Eventually Feli, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Just don't worry about that for now, okay?"_

How can I _not_ worry about it, he thought, "Alright, I'll try."

_"Even though I can't stand it, I know you really care for him. And sometimes we treat people that we love badly because we don't know how to treat ourselves, Feli. Yes, you've done a horrible thing, but that doesn't mean you're a horrible person."_

Tears trickled down Feliciano's face. Ever since he shot Ludwig's hand he thought he should just kill himself and burn in hell because he was nothing but trouble. His inhale trembled through the phone loud enough for Lovino to hear, "I-I'm not a bad p-person?" he whimpered.

_"Feli,"_ Lovino's tone was full of sympathy, _"when I was younger, I wanted to be you. You were great at drawing and cleaning. Plus Grandpa loved you more. I was greatly lacking all those great qualities. People hated me because I had gotten an attitude when I couldn't do things you did with ease and frankly…..I hated me too."_

Feliciano sniffled; he could not believe his stubborn brother just admitted that. Then again, he thought, he did say you never know who a person really is. He knew he was running out of time to talk so he had to end the conversation he never wanted to conclude, "Hey Lovino, I have to go. We'll continue when you visit."

_"Oh, okay."_ Lovino sounded crushed.

"Okay, bye."

_"Feli, wait. There's something I have to tell you."_

"Yes?"

_"I love you."_

Feliciano was dumfounded, "I-I love you too." He heard Lovino smile through the phone.

_"Okay,"_ his tone was much more optimistic, _"see you at three."_

"Alright, bye."

_"Bye" _

Feliciano clicked the button that hung up the phone and set it gingerly back on the shelf. He then wiped his eyes with his sleeve and still saw the boy with the Canada sweatshirt still on the phone and crying. _Poor guy_, he thought. Feliciano then heard from the nurses that it was time for coping skills. Coping skills is a short, optional class that practically lectures you on how to manage negative feelings. Feliciano had exited the room, turned right after passing the main desk, went down to the end of the boy's hallway, and entered through the open doorway to the last door on the right. This was the boy's day room.

The room had a similar table in the center to the one in the middle day room along with the same chairs. Towards the furthermost wall there was an arcade machine that faced the left wall; the game that was inside the machine was Puzzle Bobble. Puzzle Bobble was pretty much a spin off of bubble shooter. The walls were the same goldenrod yellow to that of the hallway and Feliciano took a seat on one of the small, maroon plastic lounge chairs that aligned the cinder block wall. The chair did not have legs and was low to the ground; it was plastic but it felt like rubber at the same time. Maybe it was filled with air, Feliciano contemplated as he slightly bobbed up and down on it. Near the arcade game, he noticed the large blackboard and the text that was written in white chalk:

Situation Emotions Behaviour Outcome

The young woman with black, long hair in a ponytail and the older lady with white, short hair were conversing as Feliciano studied the text. These two women were the instructors; the black haired one being the more prominent one. As more tired people slowly came inside the room and filled up the seats, Feliciano noticed Wang, Leon, Jett, Matthias, and Ivan scatter across the room and sitting in random places. Matthias and Ivan were the only ones who sat next to each other at the table by Feliciano and they seemed to be deep in conversation. Suddenly the class started with greetings to the new patients and greetings to the old ones. However, no one really cared or seemed to want to be here. Feliciano wondered why and found out quickly. Frankly, watching paint dry was more entertaining than this class. Feliciano did not realize how tired he was until three minutes into the lecture. While struggling to keep his eyes open, he questioned why anyone came to this dull sermon. He would ask Matthias later. The black haired woman was named Rachel and she talked about how situations affect feelings, behaviour and the outcome to the actions we would make whether they were positive or negative. It sounds engaging in the beginning, but after ten minutes of restating the same thing in different ways, it tends to get mind-numbingly uninteresting. Feliciano almost fell asleep in his weird, plastic rubber chair four times. He also noticed other kids doing the same. Abruptly, a female Indian doctor had opened the door and called for him. Befuddled, he went up to her and followed her out of the room. As the two exited the door and heard it click shut, they both communicated.

"Hello," she held out a hand that Feliciano shook, "I'm your doctor. You'll be checking in with me everyday for as long as your stay is. Today I'm going to evaluate you. That only means I'll be asking you a bunch of yes or no questions, so don't worry. I'll then put you on the medication that suits your needs. Understood?"

"Um, yes."

"Alright then," she began to walk across to the empty visitor's room, "please follow me."

She and Feliciano entered the large room. The room had a wooden table near the middle that was closer to the wall that contained the doorway. There were two sets of comfy, blue chairs and small tables near the back of the room. The walls were periwinkle blue and had animal paintings adorned on the back and right walls; one had giraffes while the other had pink flamingos. The carpet that rustled as the two walked over to the table and had taken a seat diagonal from each other was a dark blue with red speckles.

During the evaluation, the doctor had asked him questions like: Have you seen things/heard things, have you had suicidal thoughts, any thoughts of hurting others, have you executed these thoughts, etcetera, etcetera. After the series of questions concluded, she told him that he might have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and moderate Major Depressive Disorder and that he will be put on five milligrams of Zoloft, a medication that helps with both of those conditions. She told him the dosage was small because she wanted to see if there are any side effects. _Great_, Feliciano thought, I'm now a guinea pig. She then dismissed him and as he exited the visitor's room he noticed that coping skills had ended and that it is now free time until group therapy; Matthias had told him the usual schedule earlier. Feliciano was excited for group therapy; mainly because he could finally find out more about his neighbors. Despite this, he meagerly walked back to the middle day room and had taken a seat at the center table.


	5. Chapter 5

Ludwig was currently lying in his hospital bed examining his new hand; it was the most advanced model anyone could afford. At eleven thousand dollars, the Bebionic prosthetic hand was a stunning contraption. Ludwig, however, had not gotten used to it yet. He has dropped things so many times he now just uses his left hand. He squeezed his new hand a few times and compared it side by side to his flesh and bone hand. The hand was half flesh coloured and half gray and worked pretty well for a hunk of plastic and metal. Ludwig raised his prosthetic above his head noticing the shadow that was casted onto his face. "…Feli….." he said in a hushed voice as he tightly shut his eyes and balled the hand into a fist. Resentment had filled his heart and his fist slammed onto the bed, "FELICIANOOOOOOOOO!" He then picked up the glass of water to his left and threw it forward towards the door as his roar escalated so much a lion would wince. The small glass shattered as it made the impact to the door and the millions of glass pieces plummeted hopelessly to the floor, just like Ludwig's heart did.

* * *

In the middle day room, Feliciano sat across Leon and Ivan and next to Jett. He listened patiently as Leon explained what he had taken the blame for, "You see," Leon began in his calm, monotone voice, "my baby cousin was left outside. I was somewhere else in the house, but everyone thought I was with him at the time. When I was getting a cup of water I saw him through the back door with bruises all over him. I then went outside to retrieve him off the porch when my stepmom unknowingly was behind me. She said, 'what the hell is he doing out here with you?!' I replied 'I don't know, but I was going to bring him back inside.' She then yelled, 'WHY DOES HE HAVE BRUISES?! YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU?!' and then slapped me real hard upside the head. I then tried to convince her I didn't do it but of course she didn't believe me because she doesn't care about me. I'm just welfare money for her. Anyway, I just replied, 'Yeah, I did it.' and then I was admitted to the hospital."

"Wow," Jett was appalled, "that's intense, mate. But why are ya still here if you just took the blame for somethin'? Did they not believe you or what?"

"They believed me alright, after all if you say something long enough they'll think it's the truth. I just started to see things."

Ivan was surprised, "See things?"

"Yeah," Leon shuddered, "it's a little girl covered in blood and wrapped in heavy chains. She keeps saying, 'help me.' but I can never do anything. She's kept me up at night for three days now."

Feliciano interjected, "Have you told anyone that it's kept you up at night?"

Leon glanced at Feliciano, he did not even notice him at first, "Yeah, they're going to put me on this sleeping pill tonight called Trazodone."

"Oh. Well that's good, I guess."

Ivan added, "Trazodone knocks you out, Leon. You'll never have insomnia again."

"Hopefully I won't." Leon replied sullenly.

"So Feli," Jett turned to face Feliciano, "what did they put you on?"

"Zoloft."

"Oh, Zoloft doesn't work for shit," Leon butted in.

Feliciano chuckled, "Well they're only giving me a small dose to see if there are any side effects."

"Still though, when I took it only made me sleepy."

Feliciano was happy that Leon was speaking to him, "Well they're giving it to me at night."

"Oh. Well at least you'll sleep."

Ivan barged in, "What are you diagnosed with?"

Feliciano sighed, "General Anxiety Disorder and moderate Major Depressive Disorder."

"Nice, I have Intermittent Explosive Disorder," Ivan smiled ironically.

"Damn," Jett commented, "I just have depression."

"I have depression and mild schizophrenia," Leon stated.

"So we're pretty much all messed up," Feliciano said nonchalantly.

"Basically," Jett said and everyone laughed in unison.

* * *

Gilbert leaned forward onto the bathroom sink as he looked up at the small mirror. His reflection revealed his disheveled white hair and the reflection of his exhausted red eyes had pierced into his own. It was just a quarter to eleven in the morning and Gilbert had already begun to cry. He backed to the nearby wall and sunk to the floor as he covered his face with his hands. After a few minutes of loud sobbing he glanced at the shut door and pulled out the switchblade that was always in the right pocket of his sweatpants. Through his hot tears, he opened the knife and began to slice his left arm. "I'm just a….stupid…..fucking…..FAGGOT!" The warm, burgundy liquid began to trickle down his pale arm and drip onto the white tiles below, "I'M NOTHING! NOTHING! I should just kill myself! It's not like anyone cares anyway!" Gilbert animatedly sobbed. He then winced at the tears that stung his open, self inflicted wounds. He then glanced up past the sink at the mirror, there's ibuprofen behind the mirror, Gilbert thought. He then resignedly rose from his sitting position and opened the mirror's door. He pulled out the tiny bottle of ibuprofen and then slammed the cabinet door shut. Gilbert's gaze went from his reflection to the orange bottle multiple times before he finally stopped to look at himself. The only thing to stare back at him was his disgusting body and flushed face. Then suddenly a black figure of him appeared from behind in the mirror and grasped his shoulders.

The shadowy figure whispered into his left ear so quietly that it made Gilbert shudder, _"Just do it, kid. You've already gotten this far."_ Gilbert hastily twisted around to find that nothing was there. He then dropped to his knees and the sound of the plastic bottle hitting the ground soon followed. He then moved his shaking right hand towards the sideways container and took a firm clutch of it. His trembling arm then brought the bottle close to him and his left hand removed the child proof cap. Gilbert then felt the handful of pills fall into his left palm and himself dropping the bottle. The sound of pills clacked onto the tiles and Gilbert stared intently at the pills in his grasp ignoring the sound.

He then took a deep breath and said quietly to himself, "Off to Never-Never Land" and then swallowed all the capsules.

* * *

Feliciano continued to converse with the other boys until the nurses announced it was time for group therapy. He then eagerly strolled to the boy's day room with Leon, Jett, and Ivan. Once inside, they all sat next to each other at the center table on the left side. As the room started to fill up, one girl came inside and sat near the blackboard. Feliciano was curious, "What is she doing here?"

Jett replied, "Oh, there's always one random girl in group. Don't worry about it."

"It's due to the high number of girls here," Ivan added.

"Oh, okay." Feliciano understood.

Then the social worker walked inside and shut the door; she was wearing a green blazer and white trousers with ballerina flats. She was holding a clipboard and had glasses and a ponytail. Her hair was dirty blonde and thin and her face was very triangular. The woman sat in the seat diagonal to Feliciano and greeted everybody, "Morning, everyone!" she said in a soft voice, "I'm Ms. Veronica if you didn't know and I'm your social worker for this week!" She glanced around the room, "I see some new faces so I'll tell you all what the procedure is. Okay, I talk to everyone to see how they're doing and if anything's wrong; I then write it down on my clipboard here. Everything said in this room stays in this room, so please confess to anything. Everyone understand?" Every person nodded in approval.

Feliciano had gotten anxious; he did not enjoy confessing things to people he did not know. He told himself to just push through it and not to get tongue-tied when he had to talk one-on-one with Ms. Veronica. The only girl in the room then began the therapy by explaining the bad dream that she had last night.

* * *

Lovino was currently in Feliciano's room folding and putting sweatpants and t-shirts into a tote bag. Once he completed placing a week's worth of clothes into the canvas bag, he placed it onto the sofa in the living room. His Android phone then began to ring. He looked at the coffee table where it was placed and saw that Roderich was calling. Confused, Lovino picked up his phone and answered it, "Hello?"

Roderich sounded relived, _"Oh Lovino, I'm so glad you picked up. Gilbert is in bad shape."_

Lovino was befuddled, "Isn't that Ludwig's brother?"

"_Yes, he overdosed."_

Lovino's eyes widened, "He did what?"

"_I know I couldn't believe it myself. He's in critical condition right now but they say he'll be alright."_

"Did you tell Ludwig?"

"_I tried to contact him but he didn't answer. I just assumed he was sleeping."_

Lovino sighed, "First my brother and then his. What the hell is gonna happen next?"

"_Hopefully this whole fiasco will end. At least that's what I'm praying for."_

"Why would Gilbert do that anyway? I thought he was Mr. Awesome."

"_I thought the same thing. I guess his arrogance had a backbone after all."_

"That tends to always be the case. Anyway, is he gonna be admitted to a mental hospital?"

"_Yes. They said when he recovers he'll be sent to Queenswood."_

Lovino laughed sadly, "Maybe my brother can straighten him out."

Roderich returned the laugh, _"Yeah, maybe."_

"I just can't believe everyone is going ape shit."

"_Me neither. Well, I apologize for cutting this short but the doctors want to talk to me. I will talk to you afterwards."_

"Okay, bye."

"_Goodbye."_

* * *

As Leon explained the horrible story of his younger cousin, Feliciano's anxiety level had gotten worse. His insides tightened and he felt stiff; Feliciano just wanted to leave. Butterflies raced through his stomach when he realized he was the only one who had not talked to Ms. Veronica yet. Once Leon completed telling his anecdote, she turned to Feliciano. "Feliciano, we haven't heard from you all hour. How've you been?"

Feliciano's heart raced, "Um, I'm alright."

She smiled, "Well you know what I'm gonna ask."

"What do I mean by 'alright'? Well, I guess I'm not happy or sad."

"Okay," she wrote it down onto her clipboard, "You're new to Queenswood, how do you like it so far?"

"I like it here," Feliciano was honest, "I've met some nice people already."

Ms. Veronica nodded and smiled as she wrote it down, "Well that's good. May I ask why you're here, Feliciano?"

Feliciano's heart was beating faster; it was just like the night with Ludwig, "U-Uh, I shot my friend's hand."

Her eyes widened, "Wow okay, and can you tell me why you did that?"

Feliciano's breathing slightly quickened, "Um, it was because he was scolding me for such a long time I just snapped."

She wrote it down, "And why did he scold you?"

"Because I can't do anything right."

She nodded, "Feliciano you know that isn't true, right?"

"Yes it is. All I can do is run away and make pasta."

"Do you mess up when you make pasta?"

"No."

"Then I guess you _can_ do something right, Feliciano."

"Not in Ludwig's eyes."

"Well, Ludwig is just another person; if you really care about his opinion that much, you should stop thinking that way."

Feliciano was dumbfounded, "Why should I?"

"Because if you always think you're a failure, he will too."

Feliciano's eyes widened, he did not think of that, "I guess you're right."

"I think everyone goes through what you're going through, Feliciano. So don't feel alone, okay?"

"Alright."

Ms. Veronica checked her watch, "Oh my, look at the time! It's time for lunch!" she looked back up, "Well good session today, everyone. Hopefully we'll see you all tomorrow!"

Then the clock stroke eleven and the first day of group therapy concluded.

* * *

Ludwig was still lying in bed when a nurse came in; he straightened up as she shut the door behind her. "Ludwig, is it?" she asked.

"Um yes, what seems to be the issue?"

"It's about your brother Gilbert, he….um"

"He what?"

"He overdosed on ibuprofen and is currently in critical condition."

Ludwig's jaw dropped, "W-What?!"

"I'm so sorry, sir. I had just got the news from your friend Roderich calling in."

"I-It's…..Wow."

"They said he'll be fine in a few days, but he was very close to dying."

"Um, what hospital is he currently located at?"

"He's currently at St. Mary's hospital which is only a stone's throw away from here, sir."

"Is he going to be transferred to a mental hospital when he recovers?"

"Yes, Queenswood I believe."

That's where Feliciano's at, Ludwig thought. "Oh, okay. Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome, Ludwig." She then left the room.

"Ugh…" Ludwig ran his left hand through his messy hair.


	6. Chapter 6

As Feliciano waited in the line for lunch, he looked out the nearby window. There was a man walking with a grocery bag in his hand on the sidewalk. Feliciano looked back towards the other patients and then down to see his blue scrubs; that man is normal, Feliciano thought as his sorrowful gaze returned to the person outside, and I'm…. _not_. He realized he never saw borders until he was on the bad side of one; he also never knew freedom until he was in a cage. Feliciano had to hold back his tears as he moved forward in the long line. When he had got up to the section where you grab your eating utensils and your pink tray, he was confused by the labels for the spoons, forks, and knives. The spoons were labeled 'Multi-Purpose Spoons' while the fork and knives were just labeled 'Forks' and 'Knives'. Feliciano knew he should just ignore it but for some reason he wanted to question the weird name for the spoons. What makes the spoons 'multi- purpose', he pondered, and what makes the forks and knives just forks and knives? Feliciano yanked the so-called "Multi-Purpose' spoon and dispensed a fork for himself. He then dropped the thought momentarily when he ordered steamed vegetables and brown rice for lunch. As he went down the line he snatched a banana and a blueberry Light and Fit yogurt cup. When he left the line he noticed a group huddled around the soda fountain and sauntered up to it. Feliciano was not in the mood for any soda so when he grabbed a Styrofoam cup he had just got water and then when to the same seat he sat in this morning. He was the only one sitting there until the boy with the Canadian sweatshirt sat directly across from him; Feliciano was flabbergasted.

The boy talked tenderly and light-heartedly, "Hello."

Feliciano was surprised by the boy's hushed voice, "Um, hi."

"What your name?"

"Feliciano but you can call me Feli, how about you?"

"My name's Matthew. Sorry for not being so social this morning."

Feliciano was ecstatic to finally meet this quiet boy, "Oh no, it's fine. I totally understand."

Matthew smiled and then Matt sat next to the right of the boy while Jett sat on the left. "Hey the kid speaks!" Jett remarked.

Matthew chuckled softly, "Heh, yeah I guess I do."

"What your name, kid?" Matt asked with his mouth full of mashed potatoes.

"Matthew."

Matt swallowed his mashed potatoes, "Is this your first time?"

"No, this is my third."

"Damn!" Jett intervened, "You're pretty quiet for your third time, mate."

Matthew smirked, "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Feliciano asked as Wang sat next to him on the right, "Where did you go the first two times?"

Matthew swallowed the food in his mouth, "Tavernwick and U of M"

Matt groaned, "Oh, not Tavernwick!"

Jett agreed, "Yeah, no wonder you're so coy."

Wang was befuddled and asked, "What's so bad about Tavernwick, aru?"

Jett responded, "You're packed into a room smaller than this cafeteria with thirty-six other crazy kids. All I learned there was how to hurt myself more creatively."

Matt added, "Yeah, plus your bedroom door _always_ has to be open and they check on you like a million times."

Jett chuckled, "One time, I saw a kid try to eat a chair." Feliciano and Wang were shocked, "The best part was that my ambulance people told me Tavernwick was the best place to go."

Matt added, "Oh my God, me too!"

Matthew joined in, "Same here, but U of M was great. They had a swimming pool and everything."

Wang asked Matthew, "So, I don't mean to pry or anything, but why are you here?"

"Suicide attempt."

Feliciano added, "May I ask why you tried to do that?"

Matthew sighed softly, "I always get mistaken for my more popular brother, Alfred. In fact, some people I know really well don't even remember who I am," he frowned, "It's like nobody notices my presence."

Feliciano was saddened by the confession, "We notice you."

Matt added, "Yeah Matthew, you're actually pretty cool!"

Jett nodded, "Yeah, you're a friend in my book."

Wang concurred, "Yes, and a very good one."

Matthew looked at everyone who was so supportive of him and his frown turned into a small smile as his face crimpled up and his eyes overflowed with tears. "T-Thank you!" he sobbed happily, "I've never been t-told that in my entire l-life!" Everyone smiled at the gratifying scene and Jett put his arm around Matthew's shoulders. After a few minutes, Matthew calmed down and adjusted his glasses as he asked, "S-So Feliciano, why are you here?"

Feliciano almost choked on his food, "U-Uh, I shot my friend's hand."

Matthew's violet eyes widened and then returned to their normal state, "Wow, I wish I had the gumption to do something like that. May I ask why?"

"I-I was tired of being criticized by my friend, Ludwig."

Matthew's voice was muffled by a full mouth, "Well friends aren't supposed to be like that, Feli. Are you sure you just didn't _want_ him to be your friend?"

Feliciano stopped eating; _want_ him to be my friend, he contemplated, _do I?_ He frowned and replied sullenly, "I don't know anymore."

Matthew noticed this change in emotions, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad, I really didn't."

Feliciano was dumbfounded, "No, it's alright. I was going to have to face this sooner or later."

"Oh, okay. Sorry about freaking out."  
"It's fine."

Jett asked Wang, "So why are you here?"

Wang was startled by the sudden question, "U-Um, suicide attempt."

Jett was surprised, "Really now?"

"Yes," Wang gulped down his rice, "My parents were trying to covert me to Confucianism but I choose to be agnostic. Plus, my used to be acquaintance Kiku attacked me with a katana the other day, aru."

Matt was in awe, "A katana?!"

"Yes, it left a scar on my backside"

"Damn! You gotta show us sometime."

"I think I'll pass, aru."

Feliciano interrupted, "Is the ice cream good here?"

Jett replied, "Oh yeah, it tastes just like it came from McDonald's."

"Okay, I'll go try it." Feliciano then left his seat and had gotten vanilla ice cream from the dispenser. As he came back to his seat he overheard conversation about Tavernwick and how horrible a place it was. Since this was his first time in a hospital like this, he just sat and listened to them quietly as he ate the delicious soft serve. It _does_ taste like McDonald's ice cream, Feliciano thought. When he finished the sweet treat, he asked Matthew, "So, where are you from? I'm from Italy."

Matthew smiled, "Italy? Cool. I'm from Quebec."

Jett asked, "Are you French-Canadian?"

Matthew nodded, "Yes. I can speak French too."

Wang was surprised, "Really? I speak Chinese."

Feliciano added, "I can speak Italian."

Jett said, "I can speak English pretty well" and everyone laughed in unison. Suddenly, the nurses had concluded lunchtime.

Once back upstairs, Feliciano and Matthew were conversing about their brothers and home life in the middle day room at the far table. "My brother, Lovino, acts tough as nails but cries just as bad as I do."

Matthew nodded, "One time, I told off my brother, Alfred, and he cried!"

"That Alfred sounds like a total jerk."

"Well, not really. When I overdosed on Xanax, I was told he cried in the waiting room."

"Wow, I guess he does care."

Matthew sighed, "Yeah, more than I thought."

"It was the same for me and my brother. In fact, he made me cry today on the phone."

"Heh, yeah I saw that. It was pretty cute."

Feliciano blushed, "So, what do they do when you overdosed?"

"What do they do? Well they make you drink charcoal."

"Charcoal?"

"Yeah, I thought the same thing. But it's just liquid charcoal to make you throw up the meds. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time, though."

Feliciano winced, "That stinks. What did it taste like?"

"Like utter shit."

"Nice."

"So what're you diagnosed with?"

"GAD and depression, how about you?"

"Same."

Feliciano smiled, "Looks like we have more in common than we thought."

"That tends to happen a lot, doesn't it? Meeting similar people."

"Yeah now that I think about it, it does happen a lot!"

Matthew chuckled, "It's funny how life works, isn't it?"

"I'll say."

* * *

**Character Notes: **

**1. **Mathias will always be called Matt.

**2. **Matthew : Canada

**3. **Matthew will always be called Matthew

Hopefully that solves anyone's questions on who's who. :)


	7. Chapter 7

After the conversation with Matthew, Feliciano had left the middle day room to set off to the boy's day room. As he was walking on the left side near the bathrooms, he did not notice the door of the boy's restroom he was about to pass by was cracked open with someone looking out from the ajar doorway. While sauntering past the door, Feliciano was grabbed by the arm and yanked inside the small lavatory. He was then shoved onto the beige tile flooring as the anonymous boy slammed the door shut. The bathroom was small and dimly lit which made everything inside a slight shade of orange. Feliciano snatched the side of the nearby bathtub and pulled himself up so he was slouching against the pale wall. The unidentified boy turned around and looked down on Feliciano, it was Matthias. He sneered with a malevolent tone, "Well, well, Feli. Guess what day it is?"

Feliciano was flabbergasted, "M-Matt?!"

His pitch had gotten irate, "I _said_ guess what day it is, boy."

Feliciano had gotten scared, "Um, I don't know."

"It's the day I finally leave this hellhole," he walked up to Feliciano, "You've been such a good roommate, it's a shame I'll never see you again." Matt then sat on his knees and stroked the left side of Feliciano's face gently, "So….innocent. So…_adorable_," Feliciano's lip twitched. Matt then noticed his curl, "Ooh, what's this?" he tugged it and Feliciano's complexion flushed and he moaned with agony, "Ooh, I'm getting hard. I'll be pulling on that a lot."

Feliciano regained his voice, "W-What?!" Matt then pulled down Feliciano's trousers and yellow boxers and when Feliciano tried to fight back he punched him harshly in the face. Feliciano's vision was a now sea of tangerine blurriness with a dark, double figure of Matthias in front of him. Matt threw the clothing into the corner behind him and he unzipped his pants which revealed his hard member. Feliciano snapped out of his daze and began to extend his hands to wrap around Matt's neck; Matt then clutched the two extended hands and twisted Feliciano's wrists which made him gripe in pain. He then slammed the hands to the wall just above Feliciano's head and straddled him so he could not use his legs. Matthias then ferociously shoved his penis into Feliciano. The screams that escaped Feliciano's gaping mouth was ungodly as Matthias shoved the sandpapery shaft into him harder and more rapidly. It had felt like a razor-sharp dagger was inserted into his anus. Feliciano began to bleed in his lower regions which elegantly dripped onto the tile below, "STOP, MATT! MAAAAAAAATT!"

"Oh….shut….up!" Matthias replied crossly as he continued to penetrate Feliciano, "The pain feels great!" The hard slapping sound of skin colliding had filled the once silent room, "Ooh yeah…..take that…you filthy…..Italian!" Slobber and sweat from Matt fell onto Feliciano's scrubs; his dark blue eyes pierced into Feliciano's tawny ones. He jerked Feliciano's curl so viciously that was pulled out of his cranium; the long curl had fallen on the floor. Feliciano was slightly bleeding from the spot it was removed.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGH! STOP!" Feliciano exclaimed in utter pain.

Matthias then clutched Feliciano's neck with his free hand and squeezed. Feliciano was gasping for air and beginning to turn red in the face, "SHUT UP!" The fish out of water that was Feliciano had his mouth open and close as if air was passing through. The only thing that exited his gaping mouth was the sound of a gagging larynx. The blood was now gushing out of Feliciano's behind like a babbling brook on a spring day. "Gosh you're a virgin, aren't you?" Boiling streams began to run down Feliciano's tender face; he blinked to release them from his amber eyes. A stifled cry had been let free of Feliciano's throat and his face had begun to turn purple from the lack of oxygen. He then had started to feel nausea engulf his stomach. This is it, Feliciano thought; this is where I finally die. He had become very feeble and his eyes could not stay open any longer; Feliciano could not even attempt to breathe anymore. As he shut his eyes with the little energy he had left he felt a hot liquid fill his insides. Suddenly, he had been liberated from the harsh grasp and his eyes shot open as he inhaled the icy serpent of oxygen. Matthias pulled out and zipped up his pants. "I get out first," Matt stood up, "Then you do." Feliciano used all of his remaining strength and stood up also; he then grabbed Matt's neck and slammed him into the door.

"You think I'm weak, huh?!" Feliciano said with gritted teeth. Matt only replied with gagging; he then kicked Feliciano hard in the lower abdomen. The impact Feliciano made with the floor had felt like someone took a baseball bat to his behind. Matt gasped for air and shoved the same foot into Feliciano's face. Feliciano's skull had hit the wall with a large bang and a dark burgundy cascade had begun to spew out of his nostrils. A fat lip and a black eye also started to form.

"Stupid prick," Matthias said ruthlessly as he headed for the door, "You should be lucky anyone has the time to rape you." He then left the room shutting the door behind him.

The bathroom had blood smeared all over the floor and even some of the walls. Drops of semen had turned some of the claret liquid a pinker shade. Feliciano's nose was profusely bleeding and he began to sob uncontrollably. "W-What did I do to d-deserve this?!" he exclaimed, "What did I-I do….." The grieving had made such and uproar a nurse overheard and knocked on the door.

"Honey," she began, "are you alright in there? It's almost time for school, you know."

"N-No," Feliciano replied sullenly through his tears.

"May I come in?"

"At y-your own r-risk."

The young nurse opened the door and was staggered by the scene. She saw the half naked boy with blood all over him sprawled out leaning on the wall and his mangled face. Her jaw dropped and she called for assistance; two other nurses came for help.

"W-What happened here?!" the male nurse asked.

Feliciano's face crumpled up and tears flowed from his eyes, "I was…."

"Yes? You were what?"

Feliciano stammered, "R-Raped." All the nurses' eyes widened at the response. Then the female nurse that discovered this horrific sight had walked up to him ignoring the blood and tears that adorned the room and Feliciano's face. She did not ask him who did this to him because she knew that he would not tell. She then signaled the other nurses to help pick up Feliciano. Once they had got him to his feet, he leaned on the other female nurse to stay standing. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and told the other nurses to call an ambulance. "Am I gonna be alright?" he asked weakly.

"God, I hope so," the black lady replied somberly.

"Whe-Where are they taking me?"

"To another hospital, sweetie," she rubbed his shoulder, "then once you recover you'll be back here."

"I can't walk."

"They'll put you on a stretcher, don't worry."

The male nurse returned and said that the ambulance will be arriving shortly. The other patients were standing in the doorway of the middle day room and were curious of what was going on. Matthias grinned deviously at the scene but no one had noticed. The ambulance had then arrived and Feliciano was carted away on a gurney with his lower half covered by a fawn blanket.

Once inside the nearby hospital, Feliciano had fallen asleep due to exhaustion. Little did he know this was the same hospital Ludwig was currently located. In fact, Ludwig was on the floor just above his room. While Feliciano was in a deep slumber, the doctors examined him and discovered he had a severely broken nose and that he will be in the hospital for about two days. They then cleaned the blood off of him and immediately put him under the knife to fix his nostrils and sew his torn anus back together.

"Whoever did this was merciless," one surgeon commented as he was realigning Feliciano's nose.

"Yeah," another surgeon added, "he's probably going to end up with PTSD."

"Poor kid, he's so young."

The other surgeon began to sew his lower regions, "He's gonna stay at Queenswood for awhile."

"I agree_._"

The next day Feliciano had awoken to a bandaged nose and a throbbing rear end. He felt the papery gauze on his nostrils and let his fingers gingerly glide across it. He would have sat up but the pain was too great to even lie on his side. He let his hands move smoothly to his severely bruised neck. Feliciano grimaced as his fingertips touched the bruising. His neck was a mixture of purple and brown pigments that danced across his light caramel skin. He glanced to his left and saw a vase of pink cyclamen, his favorite flower, on the pale grey nightstand. "Lovino was here," he spoke quietly to himself. He stared at the pastel cherry flowers intently until he heard a sudden knocking on the door. "Come in," he replied faintly. His doctor from Queenswood entered and sat down in the nearby seat on the right.

She began to speak calmly, "Feliciano….I heard what happened. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Feliciano replied soberly.

Her gaze averted to the lower right as she massaged his right hand softly with her own, "I'm just here to give you a new medicine so you can sleep at night," she looked back up at him, "But if you need anything, I'm here for you, ok?"

Feliciano smiled indistinctly, "Okay. So what are you putting me on now?"

"Well since you couldn't take your Zoloft last night, you'll have the same dosage. Your sleeping medicine is Trazodone; it's meant to help you fall and stay asleep. I'm only giving you twenty-five milligrams to start."

"Okay."

"You'll be taking both at night so I'll let the nurses know when I leave here today, alright?"

"Alright."

"Okay," she stood up from her chair, "I'll be going now. Just remember that this isn't the end for Feliciano, but the beginning." She then left the room closing the door behind her.

"The beginning?" Feliciano asked himself, "Well what a horrible way to start."


	8. Chapter 8

It had been two hours since Feliciano's doctor had visited him and he was now watching The View on the tiny television in the far left hand corner of the room. He did not really pay attention to what the middle-aged women were babbling about. He mainly just gawked at the grey ceiling while replaying the awful scene over and over again. He was so focused on what happened hours before that the television was just background noise. Feliciano then glanced at the pink flowers near his bed; he thought of Lovino. How is he handling this, Feliciano wondered. He just figured that Lovino just bottled it up with the rest of his feelings. Feliciano always told him to let his emotions show because he knew that it was unhealthy to hold everything in. But no matter how many times Feliciano told his brother, however, he never cared to listen. Even at their beloved grandfather's funeral, Lovino did not let one tear run down his face. He just stood there stiffly with his arm wrapped around his sobbing brother. Feliciano's glance then returned to the ceiling as he pondered about death. What if I died today, he thought, what would have happened? He then mulled over what it would feel like to die. Did it feel like when I was being choked back in the bathroom, Feliciano contemplated, like being so weak that you just give up? He then thought of Matthew, the boy with the Canadian sweatshirt. Did he understand what death was like? Probably not, Feliciano thought, but he sure does know what it feels like to be near death….just like me.

Suddenly, the door opened to Lovino standing in the doorway. Feliciano was startled out of his thoughts by the abrupt noise of the door opening. He noticed Lovino was holding a box of Godiva chocolates. They both stared at each other as silence filled the room once again. Lovino appeared to be surprised that his brother was awake. He then shut the door behind him and stood at the foot of Feliciano's bed. Feliciano knew from the look on his brother's face that Lovino wanted to bawl right in front of him. Instead, Lovino just stood there silent; Feliciano returned the quietness while fighting back tears. He never heard a silence quite this loud. Lovino drummed his fingers on the box of chocolates and averted his gaze. Feliciano shifted his eyes down to the white blankets that covered the lower half of his body. Then Lovino finally spoke, "So….I heard what happened."

Feliciano was beginning to become sick of that phrase. His eyes went back to his brother as he replied crossly, "Yeah, so have I."

Lovino was confused by his sweet brother responding so harshly, "Feli, are you alright?"

"Does it look like I'm fucking alright?"

"Um….no, no it doesn't."

Feliciano sighed, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scorn you like that, Fratello," he gestured his hand towards the nearby chair, "Have a seat."

Lovino then nervously sat in the chair and handed his brother the chocolates. Feliciano then put the candy next to the vase of flowers. His brother began to speak, "So…..um….I'm sorry that it had to happen to you."

"What makes me so special?"

"Um…I didn't mea-"

"Yes, I didn't deserve to be raped. But then again, no one does. So what makes me so fucking special?"

"Feli, I-"

"WHAT NOW?! ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING TELL ME I'M SPECIAL FOR BEING RAPED?! HUH?!"

Lovino then stood up from his chair and said unsympathetically, "I'm gonna go. You're fucking welcome for the chocolates." He then exited the room by slamming the door behind him.

Feliciano stared at the closed door as tears began to run down his tender face, "_FRATELLO!_" he sobbed loudly, "I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I-I didn't mean it….I d-didn't mean it….." Feliciano then clutched tightly onto his blanket and lowered his head. The hot streams fell similar to a young bird falling out of the nest to see if it can fly. But sadly, this juvenile bird did not take flight and had plummeted to his death. The blanket was stained by the tears as Feliciano wailed and cried. He then snatched the vase of flowers and threw it at the door. The vase smashed to smithereens and the sound that emanated from it was the scream Feliciano did not vocalize. Water, shattered glass, and flowers now surrounded the doorway to trap the next visitor. Feliciano then continued to snivel for the next few hours with few breaks in between.

After those ungodly hours had passed, it was now seven o'clock. The warm glow of the sun setting fell through the window behind Feliciano which elegantly covered his back and part of his bed with the warmth of orange and yellow pigments. A nurse that fed him lunch and dinner scolded him over the broken glass vase just an hour before. It was now being cleaned up by a custodian. After the janitor had left, Feliciano was alone once again.

After a couple more hours had passed, Feliciano was now watching Family Guy and was laughing at the shenanigans of Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland. Then a male nurse opened the door and came in with a cart of medicines. "Feliciano Vargas?" the nurse asked kindly.

Feliciano averted his gaze from the television, "Yes?"

The nurse pushed the cart further into the room and next to his bed, "It's time for your medicine."

"Oh, okay."

"Okay, so your medicine is Zoloft, Trazodone, and Vicodin."

"Vicodin? I don't remember being told I was taking that."

The nurse handed him the medicine in small cup, "Well I was told before your doctor had left that at the last second she wanted to put you on a strong pain medication. I guess you didn't get the memo."

Feliciano took grasp of the tiny cup full of his medication, "Oh."

"But anyway," the nurse poured him a cup of ice water for him to drink and handed it to him, "there's your medicine."

Feliciano swallowed the medication with some difficulty; he was not used to swallowing pills. He then drank the water and handed the two cups back to the nurse. The nurse then pulled the cart backwards, turned off the lights in the room, and left while closing the door behind him. Feliciano then continued to watch Family Guy until eleven o'clock.

At eleven, Feliciano was beginning to feel exhausted. The medicine must be kicking in, he thought. He then turned off the television and finally had the strength to roll onto his left side. This time, he felt no pain when he moved. He then promptly fell asleep.

_Feliciano had __fallen onto the tiled floor and mustered up strength to pull himself up by grabbing the side of the nearby bathtub to slouch against the wall. The anonymous man turned around after he slammed the door to the bathroom shut; it was Ludwig. _

_"L-Ludwig?!" Feliciano was staggered._

"_Guess what day it is, Feli" Ludwig replied hauntingly as he walked up slowly to Feliciano. _

"_Um…?"_

"_I said guess what day it is, boy."_

"_Um….I don't know."_

"_It's the day you get out of here, faggot."_

_Feliciano was frightened; Ludwig had never talked to him like that, "Lud-Ludwig?"_

_Ludwig dropped to his knees and unzipped his olive green trousers which revealed his hard shaft. He then yanked Feliciano down by his long, obscure curl so hard that it was pulled out of his hairline. Feliciano screamed in pain momentarily until Ludwig forced his mouth onto his penis. He then forced Feliciano to suck my pushing his head ferociously up and down his hard member. Feliciano choked on the large shaft as it went completely into his mouth._

_The minutes that ticked away felt like an eternity to Feliciano. Ludwig moaned as he forcefully shoved Feliciano's head down harder and faster. Feliciano began to cry as blood began to trickle from his lips. The shaft had felt like sandpaper as it cut up his mouth. Then suddenly, Ludwig groaned loudly and a hot liquid filled Feliciano's oral cavity. Feliciano nearly choked on the salty, boiling hot semen as his cranium was released from Ludwig's harsh grasp. As Feliciano coughed up some of the ivory liquid, a large force shoved his head into the bathtub. Rapidly, Feliciano made impa-_

Feliciano's eyes burst open and the feeling of anxiousness had overcome him. He then noticed he was covered in sweat and breathing heavily. Feliciano looked around and he observed the different surroundings. With his chest rapidly expanding and deflating, he realized that he had fallen out of bed.


	9. Chapter 9

Blurry vision soon focused as Gilbert realized where he finally was. The bright lights of the room made him squint momentarily, but he definitely knew where he was. "Son of a bitch," he thought aloud, "I'm not dead." Suddenly, the sound of knocking on the door filled the small room as Gilbert's eyes had gotten acclimated to the brightness. "Yes?" he replied languorously.

The door squeaked open and a female doctor filled the doorway. "Gilbert?" she asked, "Gilbert Beilschmidt?"

"Present and accounted for, ma'am." He answered quietly. She entered the room and closed the door behind her.

"So, um," she began nervously as if she was an intern, "I don't know how to ask this, but you attempted suicide, correct?"

Why was that such a difficult question, Gilbert thought, "Yeah, sure did." She then sat down at the foot of his bed and as soon as she did he began to cough heavily. When the coughing concluded, he noticed black grime on his left hand. "What the hell is this shit?" he asked as if no one else was in the room.

"Oh, that's the left over charcoal being excreted from your body, Gilbert."

He did a double take, "W-wait a minute, did you say _charcoal_?"

"I'm afraid so, you did overdose on ibuprofen and we had no other way of saving you."

"Why didn't you just let me die?"

The room had gotten unobtrusive. The doctor seemed as if she could not find the words to express her thoughts. "Well….," she began soberly, "I don't want to lose another patient. It wo-"

Gilbert cut her off, "What? Make your record look bad? You don't actually _care_, doyou?"

The doctor had gotten slightly irate, "I do care; in fact, that's what I was going to express before you jumped to such an foolish conclusion!" He responded with silence. Gilbert did not want to cause any more trouble than he already has. The doctor sighed, "Listen, this is very important to me, Gilbert. I've already had a patient that has gotten raped."

"Really?" Gilbert was intrigued, "Who?"

"Feliciano Vargas, but that's not important right now. Let's focus on you, dear."

Gilbert's jaw dropped, "F-Feli…..my little bro's best friend? No way," he shook his head and then covered his face with his hands, "No, no, no, no….."

She put her hand onto his lower leg, "You know him?"

His voice was muffled by his hands, "Y-yes. All too well, actually."

The doctor straightened her posture, "Well I guess I should tell you everything then. Your brother's friend was sent to Queenswood and sadly didn't survive a whole day. Hopefully you'll be more fortunate."

Gilbert was confused as he removed his hands from his face, "More….fortunate? "

"Yes, you'll be heading there today at three."

"_Great_," Gilbert threw up his hands, "I'm going to a loony bin."

She exhaled, "Don't view it like that, Gilbert. View it as a start to your recovery."

"I'll try."

* * *

"It was just….a dream…" Feliciano wheezed, "It was….just a….dream…." The sun that beamed through the window warmed his back as he sat on the floor with his bedding scattered across the room.

The door creaked open after two knocks, "Hello? Is everything okay in here?" It was a nurse; he looked about twenty-five years old. He looked down at Feliciano, "What're doing on the floor?" The nurse began to chuckle as he walked in the room. He then held out a hand to Feliciano, "Here, let me help you up." Feliciano took the nurse's hand and was now finally standing erect again. The nurse then went to the left to check out Feliciano's clipboard. "Well, looks like you're heading back to Queenswood in an hour! Lucky you…."

Yeah, Feliciano thought, _real _lucky. "So what should we do until then?" he asked the nurse.

"Well we could talk until I'm paged to do something, I guess."

"Pagers still exist?"

The nurse laughed, "They sure do!" He unclipped his to show Feliciano, "Nifty little things, aren't they?"

Feliciano sat back on his bed, "Heh, I guess so."

The nurse clipped the pager back onto his belt and sat next to Feliciano on the bed. "So…..Feliciano, is it?"

"Yeah, that's my name. How did you know?"

"Read it on your clipboard."

"Oh."

"Yeah…..I'm not good at small talk." The nurse snickered.

"Neither am I," Feliciano laughed.

The nurse's pager then buzzed and he had to leave, which left Feliciano alone once again. As the door shut behind the nurse as he exited the room, Feliciano tensed up. He didn't want to be alone anymore; he wanted to be home with his brother to talk about the good ol' days when their grandfather was still alive. Alone, he contemplated, with my thoughts…..God give me the strength.

The hour passed on like a snail dipped in molasses and Feliciano felt every minute tick away, every second pass by, and every millisecond vanish into the abyss of time. He did not even fathom to turn on the television. He just sat on his bed and thought about the dream he had the night before.

_"Guess what day it is, Feli" Ludwig replied hauntingly as he walked up slowly to Feliciano. _

_"Um…?"_

_"I said guess what day it is, boy."_

_"Um….I don't know."_

_"It's the day you get out of here, faggot."_

_Feliciano was frightened; Ludwig had never talked to him like that, "Lud-Ludwig?"_

Feliciano shook his head to snap out of the memory. It didn't happen, he thought, it didn't…_happen_.

The door then opened to the same nurse to inform him that the ambulance was here to take him back to Queenswood.

* * *

Gilbert was in slowly put in the ambulance. Once inside, the cabin was deathly quiet. He attempted small talk.

"So….how are you today?" he asked as politely as he could muster.

"Do not engage me in conversation," the lady sitting next to him replied venomously.

"Oh sorry, my mistake."

"If you say another word I'll put you to sleep."

Gilbert shut up immediately; mean bitch, he thought.

When he arrived at Queenswood, he went through the same procedure Feliciano did but with a few variations. Before Gilbert knew it, he was at Mod D and heading towards his room, four hundred nine.

He arrived at his room quickly since it was one of the first rooms on the right after you enter the module. He already had a roommate, a boy named Francis Bonnefoy. He had shoulder length blond, wavy hair and stubble on his chin and neck and looked of French origins. When he laughed he had the signature 'Oh hon, hon, hon' of a stereotypical Frenchman. Gilbert already knew who he was, however. They were best friends since grade school.

"They got you too, eh?" Gilbert asked facetiously.

"Antonio, too." Francis replied with his thick French accent.

"Son of a bitch, man; first Feliciano, now you and Tony?! What's this world coming to?"

"I dunno, and frankly I don't want to know. But anyway Gil, what brings you to a lovely establishment like this?"

"Tried to kill myself; you?"

"Flipped out on my grandparents; nearly killed one of them."

"Damn. What about Antonio? What did he do?"

"His parents just got tired of him cutting himself, so they sent him here."

Gilbert laughed cynically, "I guess birds of a feather flock together."

Francis laughed sullenly, "Apparently so."

"Feliciano is heading back here pretty soon. At least, that's what I heard."

Francis gasped, "Oh no, not my little Feli! He's too precious to be here!"

"Apparently not, according to what I've heard."

"_Oh dear_, what did he do?"

"He tried to kill my brother, but he only managed to mess up Ludwig's hand."

"My, my, I wonder what was going through his head."

"Me too; no one does that to my little brother without a reason. I might have to kick his ass."

"Violence is never the answer, Gil. You know that!"

"Says the boy whose ancestors fled from battle." Gilbert chuckled.

"Mon dieu…."

* * *

Feliciano arrived back at Queenswood around three thirty. When he entered the boy's day room everyone stopped to stare at him. Many new faces looked at the others in confusion, but eventually gawked at him as well.

"What?" Feliciano asked exasperatedly.

Everyone turned their heads back to each other and murmurs of 'Nothing' and 'I can't believe he's alive' filled the room. Angst filled Feliciano's core and he ran back to his room, four hundred two.

He came into the room and slammed the door behind him. Stuff here spreads fast, Feliciano thought as he still faced the closed door, _too_ fast. He assumed he was alone so he sunk to the ground and instantly began to cry. "Why me….? Why did this have to happen to me?"

"Why would what had to happen to you?" a British accent called from the back of the room.

Feliciano turned around with tears running down his face, "What? Who?"

A boy with messy blond hair and thick eyebrows walked up to him. His emerald orbs stared into Feliciano's ochre ones. "Are you alright, sir?"

"Who…Who are you?" Feliciano stammered.

"Arthur, Arthur Kirkland. Nice to meet you," he held out a hand to pick Feliciano up. Feliciano accepted and was now standing upright.

"Uh….hey, I'm Feliciano. And, um, likewise."

Arthur wiped the tears from Feliciano's eyes with his thumb. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Feliciano replied as he strode past Arthur to sit on his bed on the right. The hospital bed was still ominously there on the left….

Arthur sat across from him on that sickening bed, "Come on, it mustn't be _that _bad!"

Feliciano turned the tables, "You first."

"Schizophrenia, apparently," Arthur sighed, "Honestly I just think they don't believe in fairies and dragons."

"Have you seen anything lately?"

"Not recently due to the medicine they put me on…..those bastards. Anyway, what's your issue?"

"Well," Feliciano reluctantly replied, "First I tried to kill my friend and then when I came here I got raped."

Arthur gasped, "I-I'm sorry to hear that."

"Join the club, kid," Feliciano said heatedly.

Arthur put his hands up, "Hey, getting angry about this isn't helping anyone."

Feliciano sighed, "I know. It's just pissing me off."

"How so?"

"I…I just can't believe I let it happen, you know?"

"It's not your fault, Feliciano. Rape is _never_ the victim's fault."

"Argh, I hate that word!"

"What…word?"

"I'm _not_ a victim! It makes me sound weak!" Feliciano threw a pillow at the nearby wall opposite of Arthur.

Arthur blinked, "What's wrong with being weak?"

"You wouldn't under-"

A nurse opened the door, "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but it's time for school." The two boys then headed out the room together in silence.

The term "school" meant going in a small classroom-like space and do work that was faxed from your current school or work they provided. Just like school, the desks were uncomfortable, the worksheets were boring, and everyone was annoying. Feliciano and Gilbert looked at each other hastily as they walked to the classroom together in a group with the other boys. They then sat next to each other in the small desks.

After moments of awkward silence Feliciano spoke to Gilbert, "So….um….What brings you to a charming place like this?"

"Suicide attempt." Gilbert replied sternly, "I should kill you for what you did to my brother."

Wow, Feliciano thought, quick to the point today, aren't we? "Sorry."

"_But,_ you got raped and I don't think you need anything else on your plate right now."

Feliciano gave a sarcastic smile, "_Thanks_."

School went by slowly as Feliciano tapped his pencil on the desk while trying to figure out a geometry problem. Gilbert just doodled on his paper a picture of his friend Eliza with an arrow through her head. Wang, Ivan, Leon, Arthur, Matthew, Antonio, and Jett all worked on their assignments quietly. The room was almost silent with few whispers floating around here and there. Feliciano looked outside through the window. I don't want to be here, he thought, why did this have to happen?

Gilbert tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, about earlier…Let's not have it affect our relationship, ok? Shit happens but we're good enough friends to stick it out, right?"

Feliciano remained inaudible.

Gilbert stammered, "R-Right?"

Feliciano shook his head to get out of his daze, "Oh, um, right. Sorry spaced out for a minute there."

Gilbert laughed, "I knew we could patch things up!"

Feliciano smiled and school ended on a cheerful note; next was free time until dinner. Feliciano was oddly called up to the main desk and handed a sticky note. "Your friend Ludwig wants to talk to you sweetie. I'd make the call now before the lines are filled up," a secretary said as she gave him the note.

Feliciano's eyes widened as he looked at the note that contained Ludwig's name and cellphone number. "I-I'm sorry? Are you sure that it's _Ludwig?_"

"Positive, dear."

Feliciano backed away slowly, "Oh….okay…." He then went to the open phone in the middle day room since the secretary watched him move every step of the way. He then punched the numbers in with shaky hands and held the phone up to his ear. The dial tone blared in his head and he began to sweat as his core filled with butterflies. Suddenly a voice came from the other end:

"_Hello?"_ Yup, Feliciano thought, it's Ludwig, "_Hello? Is anyone there?"_ The German said in his thick accent.

Feliciano began to tremble; he could not do this. Not now, not _ever_. He immediately hung up the phone and put his back against the wall and sunk to the floor. He could not control his substantial breathing. Feliciano then began to cry.


	10. Chapter 10

Felicano's emotions poured out his eyes and mouth as he wept in front of everyone in the middle day room. His mask of anger and distress melted as a waterfall of tears fell from his amber orbs. He had not cried this hard since his dear blond friend moved away when he was younger.

"Feli?" Matthew asked as he walked towards him and knelt by his side, "Hey...what's wrong?" Feliciano could not stop hiccupping and crying; after a few minutes, however, he returned to a somewhat of a calm state. He still remained in the same spot as Matthew comforted him, "Hey now...tell me what happened, Feliciano." Feliciano explained what occurred just minutes ago and Matthew hung onto every word, every sentence, and every syllable until Feliciano finished. Matthew noticed people staring and he shouted, "What?! What are you looking at?!" The others looked away hastily and no one said a word.

"Matthew..." Feliciano said languidly, "y-you don't have to do this..."

"No; I've learned a lot when you were gone. Sitting here and letting people walk over you gets you nowhere but under their feet."

"But my situation's different."

"Not exactly, Feli," Matthew sighed, "Listen you gotta face your fears eventually and Ludwig happens to one of them. Mine was opening up and expressing my true feelings."

"Well how do I do that?"

"Well you've already made the first step: acknowledging the fear is there."

One of the male nurses came inside the room, "It's time for dinner, everyone." Everybody then lined up just like at lunch and then went to the cafeteria.

As Feliciano stood in line, he contemplated while staring at the back of the person in front of him about what Matthew told him:

_"Sitting here and letting people walk over you gets you nowhere but under their feet."_

_"...you've already made the first step: acknowledging the fear is there."_

He had gotten out of his stupor when he had to order food; Feliciano had gotten fish and chips and a bowl vanilla ice cream. As he sat down Matthew sat across from him while Jett sat next to Matthew; then as soon as they sat down, Wang and Leon sat next to Feliciano.

"So, Matthew," Feliciano began the conversation, "What should I do to get over my fear of Ludwig?"

"Hmm..." Matthew replied, "I don't know."

Leon butted in, "You're such a help, Matt."

Jett laughed, "Oh, don't listen to him, mate."

Matthew chuckled and faced Feliciano, "Anyway, maybe you could request him to visit?"

Feliciano was dumbfounded, "Uh...visit?"

"Yeah," Wang said, "talking face to face is a great way to solve relationship problems."

Feliciano thought about it as he ate the fish planks on his magenta tray. Hmm, he thought, maybe I could have Gilbert call him and see if he could visit me...I just have to prepare myself. Feliciano looked at Matthew intently, "Matt, I'm going to do it."

Matthew raised his hand for a high five, "Alright!"

Feliciano and Matthew high fived and Feliciano replied, "Okay," he glanced over at Gilbert who was sitting with Antonio and Francis, "I just have to talk to Gilbert."

Matthew turned to look in the same direction, "Yeah, if he can't get a hold of his brother, no one can."

The staff concluded dinner and everyone headed back to their rooms to get ready for bed or headed towards the middle day room to watch television. Feliciano did the latter and sat next to Arthur at the big center table while everyone watched BET.

"So," Feliciano said, "how do you like your first day here, Arthur?"

"Oh, this isn't my first time here, you see." Arthur replied, "This is my second time, I believe."

"Oh," Feliciano laughed nervously, "I-I didn't know."

Arthur patted him on the back, "No need to be sad! I should have told you earlier."

Feliciano chuckled, "Yeah…I guess so."

"Want to head back to our room? It's kind of boring in here."

"Sure."

When Arthur and Feliciano had gotten back to their room, they both sat on their beds and then lied down. Feliciano found out that Arthur was a few years younger than him and that he once blew up on his parents which caused him to come here the first time. Feliciano then told him what happened his first day at Queenswood in full detail which left the room quiet for a few minutes as Arthur processed the information he just learned.

"Anyway," Arthur said, "do you want to sing? Singing always gets me out of a bad mood."

Feliciano was somewhat confused, "Sing? Well okay." Arthur began to sing "We Are Young" by the band FUN and he genuinely sang well. Feliciano only knew the chorus so he waited and when it came he shouted, "TONIGHT, WE ARE YOUNG, SO LE—"

Arthur shushed him as quickly as he could, "Shhhhh! People are probably trying to go to bed!"

Then as soon as he did a nurse came into the room, "It's time for your medicine Arthur and Feliciano." Feliciano then took his small dose of Zoloft and Vicodin and Arthur took his medicine. When the nurse left Arthur threw a pillow at Feliciano.

"You've could have gotten us in big trouble!" Arthur laughed.

"Shut up!" Feliciano retorted sarcastically.

* * *

Matthew was still in the middle day room after he called his dad since he wanted to converse with Gilbert. Gilbert was sitting right next to him watching television.

"Hey, Gil?" Matthew asked quietly.

Gilbert's eyes were still locked on the television screen, "Yeah?"

"Feliciano wants your brother to visit him; could you arrange that?"

Gilbert turned to face Matthew, "But he can't even talk to him on the phone."

"Yeah, but that was earlier. He really wants to patch things up with him."

"Okay," Gilbert sighed, "I'll see what I can do."

"Great. Well," Matthew yawned, "I'm going to bed, see ya in the morning."

Gilbert replied as Matthew walked away, "See you later."

* * *

Feliciano and Arthur fell asleep after a few minutes of singing.

_Feliciano was thrown into the small, orange lit bathroom by Ludwig; he hit the floor with a thud._

"_Lud-Ludwig?!" Feliciano stammered weakly._

"_Shut up, you weak pussy," the strong German replied._

_Feliciano's strength returned as he stood up to face Ludwig; he then lunged at the German. "YOU REALLY THINK I'M WEAK, HUH?!" Feliciano shoved him to the ground and kicked him in the face. However the German stood upright in a matter of seconds and punched Feliciano in the face which made him fall into the oddly placed bathtub. _

"_Yes," he began to unzip his pants, "I do."_

_Feliciano began to panic; no, not again, he thought. He then was dominated by Ludwig whose hard member was on top of Feliciano's groin as he unzipped Feliciano's pants. As he was fiddling with the stuck zipper, Feliciano shrimped up and then put his feet onto Ludwig's bent knees which weirdly fit in the bathtub with him. As Ludwig tried to control Feliciano again, Feliciano stuck out his arms straight like in the rape self-defense video he saw on the popular social networking web site, Tumblr, a few weeks ago. This caught Ludwig and put him in Feliciano's control. Feliciano then kicked him in the face which sent Ludwig to double over backwards on the edge of the tub. Feliciano then stood up and stomped on Ludwig's open member which caused Ludwig to groan. Feliciano then jumped out of the tub and ran out the bathroom; little did he know he was being followed by a stumbling Ludwig. _

_He ran down the dark hall as soon as he heard footsteps behind him; the hallway seemed endless and had a lit doorway at the end. The footsteps had gotten louder and louder and Feliciano sprinted faster and faster. Feliciano then tripped on his own footing and hit the flo—_

Feliciano sprang up from his bed in a cold sweat. Realizing none of the events were real, he grabbed his pillow and began to scream in it. This had awakened his roommate.

"Feli-Feliciano?" Arthur asked with a tired lag to his voice, "What's wrong?"

Feliciano did not even hear him as he continued to cry into the pillow. Arthur then got up and touched him on the shoulder; this caused Feliciano to jump.

"Wh-What?" Feliciano spluttered with tears in his eyes.

"Well I overheard you screaming in your pillow….Is everything okay?"

The male nurse then called Feliciano for vitals; this happens every morning. As he sat in that same rough azure chair and tried his best calm down so the blood pressure reading could be accurate. The thermometer was also stuck in his mouth. Both readings were fortunately normal. As Feliciano walked back to his room he decided to act like the dream never happened because frankly, it never did. When he entered room four hundred two, Arthur gazed at him puzzled but did not utter a word.

Feliciano figured he had to break the ice, "It was just a nightmare, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Arthur said sympathetically.

"Nope, at least not right now."

"Okay."

The room remained silent until everyone was called for breakfast. Once at breakfast, Feliciano had gotten oatmeal and scrambled eggs. He sat in the same spot as yesterday and this time Gilbert and Matthew sat in front of him. Meanwhile everyone else sat in their same spots.

"Yo, Feli. West agreed to visit you." Gilbert said with a mouthful of food in his mouth.

Feliciano noticed his oatmeal jiggled when he prodded it with his spoon, "Really?" He looks up at Gilbert, "When does he want to visit?"

"Today."

Feliciano's heart dropped. No, no, no, no, he thought, not _today_. "Well, I guess I have to face him sometime."

Matthew intervened, "That's the spirit!"

Jett butted in tiredly, "Hey, people are trying to sleep here."

"Sorry."

Feliciano tasted the tasteless oatmeal and spit it out, "Yuck."

Gilbert asked, "What's wrong with it?"

"Tastes like mush."

Jett laughed, "Yeah that sounds about right."

Feliciano tasted his eggs and they frankly tasted old. He decided to throw away his food and when he came back he asked, "So what time is Ludwig coming today?"

Gilbert swallowed his food, "About three."

"Oh, okay." Great, Feliciano thought, I have _time_.

The staff then ended breakfast and everyone headed to the middle day room to do the morning ritual of filling out mood sheets. However, Feliciano went to his room to go wash up for the day.

When he arrived at his room, he was gladly alone. He shut the door behind him and slid to the floor while letting out a sigh. The dream replayed in Feliciano's mind:

"_Lud-Ludwig?!" Feliciano stammered weakly._

"_Shut up, you weak pussy," the strong German replied._

He shook his head, "It didn't happen; It didn't happen."

He then stood up and went into the bathroom and shut the door. He looked in the distorted mirror and noticed something. His eyes were baggy and red, his expression was droopy and depressing, and the fact he was not _him_. He was not the pasta loving, happy go-lucky guy anymore. He was _someone else_. Was it someone he wanted to be? He did not know.


End file.
